soul searching.......music

*ahem* bear with me and my occasional whining... oh, forgive me for any grammatical errors, I typed this pretty fast, have to scoot...


Music...What is music? Is it something that defines you? Is it something that you relate to? Is it something that you find solace in, when the world turns it's back on you?
The first time I understood, and fell in love with grunge was about three or four years ago. I had just started smoking green, and I was cocky and full of myself. Me and my friends decided to smoke up that day, other than me, no one else had done 'it' before. We went to the outskirts of the city, a quiet colony along the coast. I was supposed to enjoy myself that day, I mean, after all, money and friends were the two most important things in my life... but that day, when everybody was enjoying themselves, my trip went very bad, very fast. It was at that time, I looked up from my fucked up trip,to see my friends fucking around and fizzing pepsi on one another.i closed my eyes and i went to a dark corner in my head,there was nothing except dirt there.i was all alone,sitting in that dark corner,curled up,i realised sumthing else was there too.a tune,the first few notes of the song 'lithium' by nirvana,i started humming the tune and sang the words.......those first few lines,"i'm so happy,'cause today,i've found my friends,they're in my head"...........thats when i understood the meaning of what those lines meant to me,they may have been written in a different context,or not,never really wanted to find out the 'true' meaning of that song.i was still in that dark corner of my head,but now,i liked being there,the rest of the song,even though i relate to it,i cant really explain what it means,to me atleast.but those starting lines helped me like myself more,i hated being me before that.those words,at that particular moment of time,meant th fucking world to me,they told me i did'nt need anything in the world to be happy,i just needed my god damned self.at the end of the day,when you finally realise,that you are yourself,thats when the perceptions of reality get destroyed,and what you feel comes out as much more than just an expression.
so,what is music you ask me??i still don't know,or maybe i do know and i just cant go back to that place where the world opened up to me that evening.......but even though i may not know the answer to all the questions that may be raised,or for that matter,i may not even know the questions,but you know who you are,or you will know,when you finally find that dark place in your head and the words you find yourself in.
music to me,is what I am,what defines ME,what it personifies through me,is what makes me myself.....................'cause,you are the music,and the music is you.....



p.s.mel,you happy?i din interview you............an now i gta go fukin blind myself in sum studio for passport size photos............thisl kill th nostalgic mood.................damn